Without waving a little red book, Milton says let a 1000 flowers, well at least 600 bloom on Facebook, which has become a defacto meeting place for the class, with dozens of classmates present. Now I'm not a Facebook junkie, except for hunting for classmates there, two sets actually, I don't post every little thing I do; sometimes my days are just boring, and why would I want to bore everyone else and just increase the burden on the Facebook servers straining to account for every proud grandparent photo (I'm a little guilty on that count) so the rest of the family can see, etc., etc.
Now I know that some of the Facebook pages of classmates are constructs created by their children and grandchildren. "Grandma, get with the program. Everybody has a Facebook page!". And little by little, people get dragged in, and then they start worrying about privacy, wondering if an identity thief is hiding behind those male or female silhouettes that they show if you don't post a profile picture. Conversely, they friend the friends of friends who suggest friends and pretty soon, you've got 1200 friends of whom you actually know 15. Eventually the pendulum stops in somewhere in the middle. The really tough thing about classmates and Facebook is marriage. If the maiden name is not embedded in the name, it can be tough unless you're up on your old friends' marital (blissful or otherwise) status. Or like someone we located recently, you have a very common name.
Earlier this week, or was it the weekend, I was talking to Rich Burgess, in Nashville, about an old friend of his, John Tuttle, who provided a support network for him during the war years. Well, in the course of events, we found John in a different place than on the listings we had, operating a marine supply in Vineland. I had John friend me, since there was only one of me and many John Tuttles. There was also a John Tuttle who passed in 1978. After my shock in discovering the tragic death of John Chichin in 1975, I actually hesitated a day or two to call the contact number I had for John Tuttle because getting confirmation of his passing would have been tough back to back. But my relief quickly overspread that anxiety and John was aware of this other Tuttle (not related). So its good news on two counts; first everyone is okay and John and Rich are reconnected; two, both will participate in the directory.
The other thing Facebook simplifies is getting decent recent photos. With the exception of Dave Spae who has the cartoon dog as his profile pic. That is an important part of this crazy monster directory I'm talking about. So if you're on Facebook, part of the Wayne Valley Class of 1967 and I don't know about you being there, invite me to be a friend, I'll friend ya. Enrich my life again, and be a part of the directory too.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished Part II
Now where were we? Oh yeah, Well, okay, I said. Let's put that issue on hold I thought. I had another idea. A comprehensive directory that would compile all the information we were finding, all the information that the reunion committee was holding in trust for the class, old pictures, current pictures, a little bio. A lot of this information has been collected over the years. The Directory with a capital D was just begging to be done. The information on the website was minimal. If a classmate provides contact info but doesn't register, you don't even get a clue as to what state they're in.
So I approached the committee with this idea. "We publish a directory with every reunion", they replied. Having copies of those, I pointed out that they only represented the people that attended the reunion; that they were smaller with each successive issue; that we had 621 or so classmates. Not attending reunions does not diminish membership in the class. I explained that this would be in addition to the Reunion, in addition to the attendance directory and in no way was it meant to diminish the Reunion; only reinforce it.
Needless to say, my suggestion that I have access to the available information was left dangling in the wind. Based on my experience in finding people so far, everyone was thinking about or looking for someone. They asked me. Often, they said the directory information they had was wrong or outdated being at least several years old. Some folks have said that they just got the reunion mailing. I'm told more than 300 went out. How many will come back? If any more current information was available to the committee, it was a secret closely held by them. I found it difficult to understand; and I couldn't bring myself to believe it either.
We continued to send information about lost classmates and began updating some classmates data that we found differing from the published information of the 40th. The response we were getting was getting decidedly cooler, "we knew that already", and the incoming Facebook messages increased expressing hostility to my questions raised in the blog, even though I repeatedly lauded their perseverance and efforts. Despite my blogging on reconnecting, despite months of finding and connecting people, I have recently been targeted as a divisive and negative force. It's there in the written record and some rather Machiavellian Facebook messaging that is not meant to be public. I asked myself why am I being singled out like this? Well, Linda has not been spared either. She received several scathing emails that certainly dampened our enthusiasm for the project. Quit hurting the feelings of the committee; quit being negative; you're not even a class member anyway, your blogs are not appreciated. If finding lost classmates, making constructive suggestions and asking questions why and spending hours finding the lost are negative, then I guess I don't understand the concept. You certainly won't see any self serving surveys on my Facebook page. We don't need to solicit reinforcement to dedicate ourselves to a task that needs to be done for everyone's benefit.
If the routine of doing reunions becomes the end all and be all; if the event overshadows the meaning, then the meaning is diminished. This is not just about the event. What is the event supposed to be but a celebration of the process of reconnecting everyone? This should be about getting as many classmates together in one place and one time and doing whatever is necessary to make that happen.
My opinions are simply that. Based on my own "extensive experience" (to paraphrase the committee), I think we need a place where we can go to exchange contact information on a voluntary basis so we can reconnect with people we lost track of, for whatever reason. I think a directory distributed to classmates is a good way to do that without compromising whatever privacy the internet has left us. The Evansville folks have not had a single complaint about having their classmates have their contact information and that's on the website. To the contrary, so many have thanked us for creating the thing for the class. Clusters of classmates are meeting in Texas and Colorado and Florida. It has just been so great. I can't understand why a reunion committee would be so resistive to the concept of classmates being able to reunite with each other?
So here is the bottom line. With or without the help of the committee, we will try to build the directory. I will stop blogging to the class Facebook page and only link to my personal page, since my opinions are too negative for that oh so friendly place. I will continue to forward contact information to the committee regardless of their reaction because despite what has been said, I do want the reunions to be a success. They just won't include me or Linda. Yes we have differences with the reunion committee. Differences over what the mission of a reunion committee should be, what their trusteeship of the class information should be, what the role of the committee should be in keeping in contact with its constituency. They are philosophical differences, not personal ones, certainly not ones that justify the kind of venom to which we have been subjected.
Perhaps you should take it as a sign of my dedication to doing this directory despite the, dare I say it, negative reaction from the reunion committee; I know my classmates want this to happen, based on those I have already spoken to, and that makes it worth doing. So in the coming months, you may get a phone call or email from us, inviting you to participate in this grand project: Can a class of over 600 people create something together after 45 years that will let them find their old friends and properly memorialize those who are no longer with us? I truly believe so, and I hope that you agree. This was supposed to be a fun thing. It almost wasn't, but will be again. It may take a little longer without the existing class database, but it will happen.
By the way, Tim and Chris (Lurie) Henneman are a couple weeks away from their South Carolina move from North Carolina to be closer to their kiddies and Bob Guzallis is living in East Rutherford and making a living as a photographer. When asked if he would be interested in having his contact information in a directory, his reaction was "Why not?". Why not indeed.
So I approached the committee with this idea. "We publish a directory with every reunion", they replied. Having copies of those, I pointed out that they only represented the people that attended the reunion; that they were smaller with each successive issue; that we had 621 or so classmates. Not attending reunions does not diminish membership in the class. I explained that this would be in addition to the Reunion, in addition to the attendance directory and in no way was it meant to diminish the Reunion; only reinforce it.
Needless to say, my suggestion that I have access to the available information was left dangling in the wind. Based on my experience in finding people so far, everyone was thinking about or looking for someone. They asked me. Often, they said the directory information they had was wrong or outdated being at least several years old. Some folks have said that they just got the reunion mailing. I'm told more than 300 went out. How many will come back? If any more current information was available to the committee, it was a secret closely held by them. I found it difficult to understand; and I couldn't bring myself to believe it either.
We continued to send information about lost classmates and began updating some classmates data that we found differing from the published information of the 40th. The response we were getting was getting decidedly cooler, "we knew that already", and the incoming Facebook messages increased expressing hostility to my questions raised in the blog, even though I repeatedly lauded their perseverance and efforts. Despite my blogging on reconnecting, despite months of finding and connecting people, I have recently been targeted as a divisive and negative force. It's there in the written record and some rather Machiavellian Facebook messaging that is not meant to be public. I asked myself why am I being singled out like this? Well, Linda has not been spared either. She received several scathing emails that certainly dampened our enthusiasm for the project. Quit hurting the feelings of the committee; quit being negative; you're not even a class member anyway, your blogs are not appreciated. If finding lost classmates, making constructive suggestions and asking questions why and spending hours finding the lost are negative, then I guess I don't understand the concept. You certainly won't see any self serving surveys on my Facebook page. We don't need to solicit reinforcement to dedicate ourselves to a task that needs to be done for everyone's benefit.
If the routine of doing reunions becomes the end all and be all; if the event overshadows the meaning, then the meaning is diminished. This is not just about the event. What is the event supposed to be but a celebration of the process of reconnecting everyone? This should be about getting as many classmates together in one place and one time and doing whatever is necessary to make that happen.
My opinions are simply that. Based on my own "extensive experience" (to paraphrase the committee), I think we need a place where we can go to exchange contact information on a voluntary basis so we can reconnect with people we lost track of, for whatever reason. I think a directory distributed to classmates is a good way to do that without compromising whatever privacy the internet has left us. The Evansville folks have not had a single complaint about having their classmates have their contact information and that's on the website. To the contrary, so many have thanked us for creating the thing for the class. Clusters of classmates are meeting in Texas and Colorado and Florida. It has just been so great. I can't understand why a reunion committee would be so resistive to the concept of classmates being able to reunite with each other?
So here is the bottom line. With or without the help of the committee, we will try to build the directory. I will stop blogging to the class Facebook page and only link to my personal page, since my opinions are too negative for that oh so friendly place. I will continue to forward contact information to the committee regardless of their reaction because despite what has been said, I do want the reunions to be a success. They just won't include me or Linda. Yes we have differences with the reunion committee. Differences over what the mission of a reunion committee should be, what their trusteeship of the class information should be, what the role of the committee should be in keeping in contact with its constituency. They are philosophical differences, not personal ones, certainly not ones that justify the kind of venom to which we have been subjected.
Perhaps you should take it as a sign of my dedication to doing this directory despite the, dare I say it, negative reaction from the reunion committee; I know my classmates want this to happen, based on those I have already spoken to, and that makes it worth doing. So in the coming months, you may get a phone call or email from us, inviting you to participate in this grand project: Can a class of over 600 people create something together after 45 years that will let them find their old friends and properly memorialize those who are no longer with us? I truly believe so, and I hope that you agree. This was supposed to be a fun thing. It almost wasn't, but will be again. It may take a little longer without the existing class database, but it will happen.
By the way, Tim and Chris (Lurie) Henneman are a couple weeks away from their South Carolina move from North Carolina to be closer to their kiddies and Bob Guzallis is living in East Rutherford and making a living as a photographer. When asked if he would be interested in having his contact information in a directory, his reaction was "Why not?". Why not indeed.
Monday, July 25, 2011
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
Back in May, flush with the success we had with Linda's Reitz Class of 1967 Spring Get together with 30% attendance, and after having seen the magical buzz that was woven by making class information available on the website that was built for them and the continuing demand for the comprehensive class directory with all 368 graduates, I said to myself, "Self, would't it be great to do something like that for my own Wayne Valley Class of 1967?" If we've made the time to do this for Linda's class, that's the least we can do for my own, and it will help make up for all the years I neglected my own classmates for the things I thought were important (many of which turned out to be mirages in retrospect).
So I looked at the class website, so well assembled by Pete Milano, and saw that there were many classmates that were NOT LOCATED. Fine, I said to myself. That's a good place to start and start we did. We found 25 in the first week. by the time 8 weeks rolled by, we were up to over 40. We reported this information to the Reunion Committee including some classmates we had discovered had passed away in the ensuing years. They initially thought the help was great.
I was so happy and gratified by the conversations I had with people I hadn't spoken with in many many years, some of whom I really didn't share classes with, except maybe gym, but it really didn't matter. With a couple of rare exceptions, documented here, everyone was happy to hear from someone too and everyone wanted to know about someone else. I sent them to the website. I encouraged them to come to the 45th reunion. I did notice that it was taking a while to get the information on the website, and I just attributed it to the build up for the reunion, which I figured would be in full swing, but I wanted to make sure that the folks I was finding would get included in the contact campaign. I also notice that none of the deceased classmates were posted on the site like the existing ones. I didn't give it a second thought because they were busy and Linda and I were in the thick of it, finding classmates, waiting for return phone calls etc., etc.
I then started to notice that a lot of the folks I was finding were local (Wayne that is.) A lot of them were highly visible on Facebook. Huh? Hey, the committee is busy, I'll ask them about outreach some other time. That time finally came when I asked Pete about it. He said that the committee sends out an emailing and a post card mailing and if anyone really wants to, they know how to get in touch. The committee had no obligation to contact everyone. I thought, well, I'm new to this and how they do things. I've got more people to find anyway.
Well, I got slammed by Victor Quinn a while back, and blogged on not so much the actual substance of his comments which were hateful enough, but more on what positive lessons could be taken from this episode. I posted them on the Class Facebook group, and got slammed again, for being negative. Alrighty, this is odd. But I had plenty of people to find. I protested politely that I thought my message actually put a positive spin on a bad experience. That strange little tempest in a teapot died down.
But I have to admit, I was a little put off by that whole situation. Not to say that it dampened my enthusiasm any. There was still plenty of names on the list to find. We continued to find people who had passed away. We asked the committee why they wouldn't acknowledge the information we were finding. We were told that they would only accept a local newspaper obituary as evidence of death. No other proof would do. Now, Linda and I are genealogy folks. We know how to verify information. In fact, much of the heart of genealogical research is verifying death dates by getting either public death records or photos of headstones. There is actually a website exchange service that allows you to post headstone photo requests for which you reciprocate by taking photos of headstones in cemeteries in your area. It's a great exchange, and you run into members of different branches of your family looking to research the same people from a different family perspective. Your aunt is a cousin's mother, etc. We had headstones of some of our classmates, because the obituaries in local papers aren't available in many cases after a span of time. Not good enough for the committee
We also had conversations with families. Just the other day, I called John Chichin's dad in St. Augustine FL. not knowing that John had died in a horrible hit and run accident in 1975 on Route 21, not far from where I used to live in Rutherford. His dad told me the whole terrible story, how the driver eventually turned himself in because a friend had gotten the plate number, and we wondered together what John would have done and accomplished had this not happened. I was devastated for a couple of days. I suspected that not even this would convince anyone to update John's information on the website. The rest of the class would think everything was just fine. They wouldn't know that John never got to do the things we have, to raise a family, to have a career, to look forward to retiring; to reminisce with old friends about those old high school days, to mourn classmates gone forever.
This is getting too long. Let's break it up into a couple of pieces.
So I looked at the class website, so well assembled by Pete Milano, and saw that there were many classmates that were NOT LOCATED. Fine, I said to myself. That's a good place to start and start we did. We found 25 in the first week. by the time 8 weeks rolled by, we were up to over 40. We reported this information to the Reunion Committee including some classmates we had discovered had passed away in the ensuing years. They initially thought the help was great.
I was so happy and gratified by the conversations I had with people I hadn't spoken with in many many years, some of whom I really didn't share classes with, except maybe gym, but it really didn't matter. With a couple of rare exceptions, documented here, everyone was happy to hear from someone too and everyone wanted to know about someone else. I sent them to the website. I encouraged them to come to the 45th reunion. I did notice that it was taking a while to get the information on the website, and I just attributed it to the build up for the reunion, which I figured would be in full swing, but I wanted to make sure that the folks I was finding would get included in the contact campaign. I also notice that none of the deceased classmates were posted on the site like the existing ones. I didn't give it a second thought because they were busy and Linda and I were in the thick of it, finding classmates, waiting for return phone calls etc., etc.
I then started to notice that a lot of the folks I was finding were local (Wayne that is.) A lot of them were highly visible on Facebook. Huh? Hey, the committee is busy, I'll ask them about outreach some other time. That time finally came when I asked Pete about it. He said that the committee sends out an emailing and a post card mailing and if anyone really wants to, they know how to get in touch. The committee had no obligation to contact everyone. I thought, well, I'm new to this and how they do things. I've got more people to find anyway.
Well, I got slammed by Victor Quinn a while back, and blogged on not so much the actual substance of his comments which were hateful enough, but more on what positive lessons could be taken from this episode. I posted them on the Class Facebook group, and got slammed again, for being negative. Alrighty, this is odd. But I had plenty of people to find. I protested politely that I thought my message actually put a positive spin on a bad experience. That strange little tempest in a teapot died down.
But I have to admit, I was a little put off by that whole situation. Not to say that it dampened my enthusiasm any. There was still plenty of names on the list to find. We continued to find people who had passed away. We asked the committee why they wouldn't acknowledge the information we were finding. We were told that they would only accept a local newspaper obituary as evidence of death. No other proof would do. Now, Linda and I are genealogy folks. We know how to verify information. In fact, much of the heart of genealogical research is verifying death dates by getting either public death records or photos of headstones. There is actually a website exchange service that allows you to post headstone photo requests for which you reciprocate by taking photos of headstones in cemeteries in your area. It's a great exchange, and you run into members of different branches of your family looking to research the same people from a different family perspective. Your aunt is a cousin's mother, etc. We had headstones of some of our classmates, because the obituaries in local papers aren't available in many cases after a span of time. Not good enough for the committee
We also had conversations with families. Just the other day, I called John Chichin's dad in St. Augustine FL. not knowing that John had died in a horrible hit and run accident in 1975 on Route 21, not far from where I used to live in Rutherford. His dad told me the whole terrible story, how the driver eventually turned himself in because a friend had gotten the plate number, and we wondered together what John would have done and accomplished had this not happened. I was devastated for a couple of days. I suspected that not even this would convince anyone to update John's information on the website. The rest of the class would think everything was just fine. They wouldn't know that John never got to do the things we have, to raise a family, to have a career, to look forward to retiring; to reminisce with old friends about those old high school days, to mourn classmates gone forever.
This is getting too long. Let's break it up into a couple of pieces.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Swimming Upstream, But Worth Every Stroke
In this time and place (I initially wrote Information Age, and edited it out as being too trite and cliched), finding classmates is much like swimming in floodwaters. There is so much information, but you continually encounter lots of junk in the water.
I suppose it is only natural that aside from finding the 200 (now 150), many of whom I knew only by sight or by name, that I would direct our efforts first toward people with whom I actually shared classes and activities; people with whom I spent quality and formative time. I talked at length with Ned (now known as Ed) Soleau, the guy who singlehandedly stopped me from ever riding motorcycles after a hair-raising ride with my instruments following a late all school production rehearsal from Valley Road to Maple Avenue off of Parish Drive. Just a few miles of immeasurable terror and visions of my certain doom. Hamburger on the highway, playing in the pit orchestra in the sky. The 1960's equivalent of one of those metal rollercoasters that loop the loop and corkscrew and make you clench every part of your body and all you want is for it to end. Yeah, something like that.
My wife tells me we will never get done if I don't stop talking for hours to the people I call to verify contact information. I can't help it. It's not reliving the glory days. I'm well past that, I'm afraid. It's reconnecting with people who were there when it all started. At the dawn of self awareness; of becoming who you were to become. Plus everyone knows where someone else is. That's what I tell her I'm doing......
Anyway, Ned, as I couldn't stop calling him, shared his opinion that those adolescent years were the most critical in his own development as a human being. He talked about how Maggie Erdman was the first adult that ever treated him like a responsible adult; had expectations of him to be a responsible adult, and how he strove to fulfill those expectations. I understood exactly what he was saying. Maggie Erdman single handedly convinced me that Yale was the place for me to go because she wanted me to challenge myself. I did so in large part because of her. Hey, what did we know about going to college back then? Now I grant you, that didn't turn out so well, but it wasn't her fault. I am still challenging myself, just to my own standards, not those of Yale, because I now know, because of her, that everyone should always be challenging themselves, to become a better person. It was her expectation that I too struggled to fulfill because of my respect for her. There were only two teachers that I ever visited after graduating. One was Al Piaget and Dot Tunis (I always think of them as one unit) and the other was Maggie Erdman. All 3 of them were better teachers than most that I met subsequently at Yale. Actually I also include Bob Ruffing and Charles Tucker in that number, so it's actually 5.
I have also discovered in talking with so many people, that everyone has something to offer, not just in information, which is the presumable reason for calling, but also in helping me to remember things about our time in Wayne Valley. I'm having a hard enough time remembering what I am supposed to be doing in the room I'm in without retracing my steps and starting over again, much less the things I am being reminded about in these wonderful conversations. Little details that slipped out of my head to make room for something else.
So if I find or contact Anthony Wayne 7-3 people or 8-4 people first, so be it. I haven't spoken directly with them but by email and facebook yet but was delighted to locate Kris Smock (Ogwaro) and couldn't understand why she was not located since she went to reunions before and Linda found her on Facebook. Same thing for Karen Karle Kenderdine (although I had to find out her married name from Chris Labowski, who's still a pediatrician in Cincinnati). But that's how the search process works. You sift through the flotsam and jetsam in the stream, saving this bit and that bit and sometimes the pieces suddenly fall together and voila, another classmate found and reconnected to the class.
I'm putting together another list of people we've found or contacted with verified contact info to send to the Reunion committee. I know their mailing has probably already gone out, but I just couldn't get it done in time. It's a rather difficult process, figuring out what they already know, what may have changed since the last time the info was checked, is it part of the 30th list, the 40th list, the lost 200 list, the found on Facebook list and cross checking. I'm also hopelessly behind in calling the phone numbers we've found because that is still the 100% reliable verification of identity. Hearing that "Yes, it's me!" is the best, but of course the inevitable half hour gab session that always seems to ensue kills progress. Do you know where so and so is and so on. What ever happened to..... and before you know it, it's too late in the evening to call anyone else. I tell Linda, "Hey, I'm reconnecting here". She mumbles "Reconnect on your own time, we've got people to find here". Her search skills are amazing. Don't ever borrow money from her and try to skip town. She'll hunt you down like a dog, as they say here in Indiana.
I suppose it is only natural that aside from finding the 200 (now 150), many of whom I knew only by sight or by name, that I would direct our efforts first toward people with whom I actually shared classes and activities; people with whom I spent quality and formative time. I talked at length with Ned (now known as Ed) Soleau, the guy who singlehandedly stopped me from ever riding motorcycles after a hair-raising ride with my instruments following a late all school production rehearsal from Valley Road to Maple Avenue off of Parish Drive. Just a few miles of immeasurable terror and visions of my certain doom. Hamburger on the highway, playing in the pit orchestra in the sky. The 1960's equivalent of one of those metal rollercoasters that loop the loop and corkscrew and make you clench every part of your body and all you want is for it to end. Yeah, something like that.
My wife tells me we will never get done if I don't stop talking for hours to the people I call to verify contact information. I can't help it. It's not reliving the glory days. I'm well past that, I'm afraid. It's reconnecting with people who were there when it all started. At the dawn of self awareness; of becoming who you were to become. Plus everyone knows where someone else is. That's what I tell her I'm doing......
Anyway, Ned, as I couldn't stop calling him, shared his opinion that those adolescent years were the most critical in his own development as a human being. He talked about how Maggie Erdman was the first adult that ever treated him like a responsible adult; had expectations of him to be a responsible adult, and how he strove to fulfill those expectations. I understood exactly what he was saying. Maggie Erdman single handedly convinced me that Yale was the place for me to go because she wanted me to challenge myself. I did so in large part because of her. Hey, what did we know about going to college back then? Now I grant you, that didn't turn out so well, but it wasn't her fault. I am still challenging myself, just to my own standards, not those of Yale, because I now know, because of her, that everyone should always be challenging themselves, to become a better person. It was her expectation that I too struggled to fulfill because of my respect for her. There were only two teachers that I ever visited after graduating. One was Al Piaget and Dot Tunis (I always think of them as one unit) and the other was Maggie Erdman. All 3 of them were better teachers than most that I met subsequently at Yale. Actually I also include Bob Ruffing and Charles Tucker in that number, so it's actually 5.
I have also discovered in talking with so many people, that everyone has something to offer, not just in information, which is the presumable reason for calling, but also in helping me to remember things about our time in Wayne Valley. I'm having a hard enough time remembering what I am supposed to be doing in the room I'm in without retracing my steps and starting over again, much less the things I am being reminded about in these wonderful conversations. Little details that slipped out of my head to make room for something else.
So if I find or contact Anthony Wayne 7-3 people or 8-4 people first, so be it. I haven't spoken directly with them but by email and facebook yet but was delighted to locate Kris Smock (Ogwaro) and couldn't understand why she was not located since she went to reunions before and Linda found her on Facebook. Same thing for Karen Karle Kenderdine (although I had to find out her married name from Chris Labowski, who's still a pediatrician in Cincinnati). But that's how the search process works. You sift through the flotsam and jetsam in the stream, saving this bit and that bit and sometimes the pieces suddenly fall together and voila, another classmate found and reconnected to the class.
I'm putting together another list of people we've found or contacted with verified contact info to send to the Reunion committee. I know their mailing has probably already gone out, but I just couldn't get it done in time. It's a rather difficult process, figuring out what they already know, what may have changed since the last time the info was checked, is it part of the 30th list, the 40th list, the lost 200 list, the found on Facebook list and cross checking. I'm also hopelessly behind in calling the phone numbers we've found because that is still the 100% reliable verification of identity. Hearing that "Yes, it's me!" is the best, but of course the inevitable half hour gab session that always seems to ensue kills progress. Do you know where so and so is and so on. What ever happened to..... and before you know it, it's too late in the evening to call anyone else. I tell Linda, "Hey, I'm reconnecting here". She mumbles "Reconnect on your own time, we've got people to find here". Her search skills are amazing. Don't ever borrow money from her and try to skip town. She'll hunt you down like a dog, as they say here in Indiana.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Clarification: Additional Project
There seems to be a little confusion about what I am doing. It is a two fold project. It started finding our Not Located classmates based upon the list on the website which is now shorter than it was 2 months ago. That project ties into and is a subset of the greater work.
Unlike the reunion directory, which records current information for the people who attend the reunion, my chosen task is to create a directory, based mostly upon Embers, and adding in those that seemed to have missed the yearbook shoots. It is meant to be an inclusive comprehensive listing of all information that classmates choose to make public so they can be contacted conveniently in one document.
If you want, a listing will include your high school photo, your choice of a current photo, married name, address, city, state, zip, email address, phone number, facebook name and a short bio highlighting the last 45 years. It will include only that information that you want to be included and participation is entirely VOLUNTARY. Those of you who follow this monologue know what I think about privacy in the Internet age, but some folks do still believe in maintaining more of their information less publicly. That choice is their right, and we don't intend to violate it. I don't FB or Twitter advertising our absence while we are on vacation either, even though Evansville is about as safe a place as an in the country.
There are several ways this publication can be distributed. It can be delivered as an Adobe Acrobat PDF file although it will be large; it can be delivered as a physical disc. I seriously doubt it will be printed, unless it is printed by each person that gets it. The cost will be dependent on the cost of media and postage but it will be minimal to encourage distribution, a penny for penny reimbursement.
I will likely produce a sample entry and post it somewhere. I'll let everyone know where. Probably on the www.reitz67.com website, where the student listings give you the general idea. We did a comprehensive directory with more info for my wife's class and it has been a continuing hit and best seller among those graduates. We continue to update it as people move and generally, they keep us well informed.
Those of us on Facebook have already been enriched by the free flow of information afforded there, and reconnecting with those of us on Facebook (when we know given names along with married names) has provided a relatively painless way to do so. A complete directory extends that ability to those either not on Facebook for whatever reason, or those without computers or computer skills.
I confess, as computer skilled as I have become over the years, I still edit better on paper printouts. Maybe it's because we started out when computers were as big as houses and had to reside in huge temperature/humidity controlled rooms. I never even dealt with computers in college after seeing computer science majors labor for an entire semester so they could print out Santa and his Reindeer in X's and O's - that wasn't my idea of a good time. I didn't start with computers until the late 70's. Now my phone has more computing ability than my first personal computer. My grandkids regard this particular write/print/edit eccentricity as a handicap from which they do not suffer.
By the way, I happened to remember that I had a group of photos my parents took at the graduation, delayed one day by rain (as I was reminded by Ted Dobson). Thankfully I scanned them before our house fire and while the original Kodachrome slides are gone, the images are preserved still. I have posted them on Facebook and encourage people to tag themselves. I am reviewing some of the others to make sure they were not too Milton-centric and will put them up as well. That is of course, the privilege of parenthood. I'm just glad that my Dad was a Nikon guy at the time so the original resolution of the photos withstood the slide scanning and people are actually recognizable in the crowd.
So that's the clarification. The directory is in addition to everything that is going on in preparation for the 45, to which I encourage everyone to attend. My count shows 621. Anyone with a different number of classmates?
Unlike the reunion directory, which records current information for the people who attend the reunion, my chosen task is to create a directory, based mostly upon Embers, and adding in those that seemed to have missed the yearbook shoots. It is meant to be an inclusive comprehensive listing of all information that classmates choose to make public so they can be contacted conveniently in one document.
If you want, a listing will include your high school photo, your choice of a current photo, married name, address, city, state, zip, email address, phone number, facebook name and a short bio highlighting the last 45 years. It will include only that information that you want to be included and participation is entirely VOLUNTARY. Those of you who follow this monologue know what I think about privacy in the Internet age, but some folks do still believe in maintaining more of their information less publicly. That choice is their right, and we don't intend to violate it. I don't FB or Twitter advertising our absence while we are on vacation either, even though Evansville is about as safe a place as an in the country.
There are several ways this publication can be distributed. It can be delivered as an Adobe Acrobat PDF file although it will be large; it can be delivered as a physical disc. I seriously doubt it will be printed, unless it is printed by each person that gets it. The cost will be dependent on the cost of media and postage but it will be minimal to encourage distribution, a penny for penny reimbursement.
I will likely produce a sample entry and post it somewhere. I'll let everyone know where. Probably on the www.reitz67.com website, where the student listings give you the general idea. We did a comprehensive directory with more info for my wife's class and it has been a continuing hit and best seller among those graduates. We continue to update it as people move and generally, they keep us well informed.
Those of us on Facebook have already been enriched by the free flow of information afforded there, and reconnecting with those of us on Facebook (when we know given names along with married names) has provided a relatively painless way to do so. A complete directory extends that ability to those either not on Facebook for whatever reason, or those without computers or computer skills.
I confess, as computer skilled as I have become over the years, I still edit better on paper printouts. Maybe it's because we started out when computers were as big as houses and had to reside in huge temperature/humidity controlled rooms. I never even dealt with computers in college after seeing computer science majors labor for an entire semester so they could print out Santa and his Reindeer in X's and O's - that wasn't my idea of a good time. I didn't start with computers until the late 70's. Now my phone has more computing ability than my first personal computer. My grandkids regard this particular write/print/edit eccentricity as a handicap from which they do not suffer.
By the way, I happened to remember that I had a group of photos my parents took at the graduation, delayed one day by rain (as I was reminded by Ted Dobson). Thankfully I scanned them before our house fire and while the original Kodachrome slides are gone, the images are preserved still. I have posted them on Facebook and encourage people to tag themselves. I am reviewing some of the others to make sure they were not too Milton-centric and will put them up as well. That is of course, the privilege of parenthood. I'm just glad that my Dad was a Nikon guy at the time so the original resolution of the photos withstood the slide scanning and people are actually recognizable in the crowd.
So that's the clarification. The directory is in addition to everything that is going on in preparation for the 45, to which I encourage everyone to attend. My count shows 621. Anyone with a different number of classmates?
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Vacations and the Germ of an Idea
Well, managed to get away for a week and resisted the temptation to do a blow by blow of our RV trip from Southern Indiana to Destin, Florida and provide income for every house burglar in Evansville. We had to travel with Missy the Little Black Dog (who was feeling poorly but recuperating. We just couldn't kennel her, and I think it paid off. She's back to herself, for better or worse). But after a hot, steamy almost intolerable time in Florida with stops in Alabama to visit family and friends, we're back, hot on the trail. Never thought I'd be a Winnebago guy, but it's growing on me. I guess it's part of being a Hoosier. It's also got great A/C, a necessity this summer for both us and Missy.Since we don't have a copy of the entire database, we're starting from scratch because we believe that the reason that reunion attendance is so low is because you only know what you know if you don't look. Every time someone moves or changes email or phone number and doesn't contact the committee, you know less, and so it goes for 44 years. If you look, you find. If you don't you don't. It's the law of diminishing returns. But as our experience in Evansville has shown, it doesn't have to be that way. It's entirely reasonable to get a 30 percent classmate turnout, plus guests. For Evansville, that was 180 people, 110 classmates out of a class of 360. For WVHS, if you used the same logic, and I'm not saying this is real, that would be 200 grads plus guests.
So we start from the yearbook as the ultimate authority, and of course, we take care to include those who were unable to get photos taken, and those who passed before they graduated. Ultimately, we may end up including travelers from classes immediately before and immediately after as they are suggested. We will start with an unbiased look, using all the means at our disposal. That includes Facebook, and all the other people based search engines that are now available.
So what do we do with the database? First we tell everyone to look at the class reunion website and encourage them to go as we're finding and confirming folks. Next, we make it available to the Reunion Committee so they have a better contact list. Next, we contact all these people and ask them if they'd be interested in a BIG directory showing high school pictures, current pictures, current contact information that they'd like to share (VOLUNTARY) so that people that want to can get in touch with them. Once the thing is constructed, we will find out if people want it on disk as a PDF file, as a download, online or what. The cost would be whatever it costs for the distribution media. This is part of my class contribution, and as I've mentioned before, my penance for not having been more involved over the years. Finally, we have great conversations about old times and possible leads for others not yet contacted.
I've run this idea past some of the people we've located and others I've contacted among my own modest circle of friends and it has received an enthusiastic response, so let me know what you think. I'll probably be contacting you to see if you'd like to be included.
I also want to make it clear that this effort does not detract from what has been done, what continues to be done and what will be done in the future. It is supplemental, so that the existing reunion website does not have to serve multiple masters.
In the meanwhile, I called Larry DeLuca, out by Lake Hopatcong (where my late first father-in-law used to live) and we had a great old time chatting. Larry and I spent many hours playing music together through all the all school productions, upper classmate graduations, GAA shows. It was a good conversation, like all those I've had with folks, some "lost", some not, and to me, the reconnection after a good long while is therapeutic, reaffirming, and spiritually fulfilling. I suppose part of it is the knowledge that your memories are not self delusional, that others confirm and share your memories. Part of it is knowing that for most people, those years were one great time.
So one of my first steps is to find everyone that I can on Facebook. We'll just move along from there. Thus far, the search has been disjointed, starting with the lost only, then discovering that some of the known wasn't (unfortunately passed on) and then working from the 30th reunion directory and then the 40th, and the overall view was disconnected. We needed a framework upon which to hang the details we were finding to see if it all made sense. I said "Start from the beginning. Start from the yearbook."
Remember, the goal is to speak with everyone who is still capable of speech. That is the true confirmation of identity and location. It is achievable, and if anyone knows anything about any of the people who are listed as lost, or who knows that someone is mislocated as to state of residence as listed on the reunion website, let us know. I'm not saying we'll be 100% successful. At least we can say we did everything in our power to try, and that no one can say we weren't trying to be inclusive in the attempt. And we can also say that we try to keep things up to date as well.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
The Postman Only Rings Once
I was emailing my latest results on my seemingly endless quest to locate all our "missing" classmates when I was told that aside from the one emailing and one postcard mailing, that the committee was under no obligation to make further attempts to contact classmates; that they knew where the website was and if they really wanted to know, they'd put the effort in to contact the committee. If they had a computer. If they hadn't been out of touch for a long time through no fault of their own.
So despite the fact that they've been hanging in there for all these years, as they never fail to point out to me, and I appreciate this fact, I still think we're missing the boat and a real opportunity to build on 44 years of good work. I remember sitting in parts unknown and knowing that the website was there and every now and again connecting to it and thinking I should really "register" and not doing it. Almost doing it and then getting distracted by something else and not doing it. I remember that one of the reasons that I eventually did was the death of my first wife. I was adrift and lost. I even got together with Al Piaget and Dorothy Tunis, who were doing well at the time. "Doc" as he has been called since we knew him was almost retired and raising pigeons as a passion. I think we all look to the past for grounding, for stability. It was good to see them again. They sent a lovely personalized wedding gift that almost got destroyed by the house fire, but I saved it from the trash bin of history because it was special and worth keeping. And even as I was grasping for some kind of reality, it was only a few years later that I finally "registered" on the website. By then they had forgotten that I went to the 20th. But they must have lost my address in Rutherford, because I never got a card for the 30 even though I hadn't moved. The fact remains. If you want people to get together, you have to actively make it happen. It is no time for passive action. There are too many ways NOT to get in touch.
My wife and I found, during her quest to locate all her classmates, that nothing beats a phone call. It's personal; it's human contact. It means that someone took the time to punch in the numbers and talk, and 99 times out of a hundred, it results in a truly gratifying and wonderful experience. I've had the greatest talks with people I didn't know that well 44 years ago, and suddenly, we're back in the halls talking about those years. From that experience for my wife and this one, for me, I have come to realize that it is not just about the reunion. Sure, it's great to see people in person, but it is more about the community of classmates that it is really all about. The personal contact, person to person, the sharing that takes place. You can't share if you don't have the ability to contact people. It is frustrating to see the photo on the site and know that someone is still alive (that's another story) and not be able to get in touch. It's like MyLife or some of the other people search sites. We'll give you a tease, but for more you have to.......
What if we had a place to go where information is available if you want it, where you could post information so people could contact you? What if we had a full directory, with information voluntarily offered, with an address or email address. Not so possibly intrusive like a phone number, but with an email or mail contact made, you can always get a phone number if the receiving party wants to give it. You already know about my ideas about the illusion of privacy. All we're saying is let's save all the legwork. One call does it all or at least it can be the beginning of good things. I know that it made a world of difference for the F.J. Reitz class of 1967. The feeling and realization of communitas is real, tangible and very heartwarming.
Comment below or on Facebook if you think this idea has any merit. Yeah, I guess I'm volunteering to do it, but I won't if there isn't sufficient interest. In the meanwhile, Linda tells me that I have to friend more classmates. We have a lot of classmates on Facebook and not all of them are "registered".
The work goes on.
So despite the fact that they've been hanging in there for all these years, as they never fail to point out to me, and I appreciate this fact, I still think we're missing the boat and a real opportunity to build on 44 years of good work. I remember sitting in parts unknown and knowing that the website was there and every now and again connecting to it and thinking I should really "register" and not doing it. Almost doing it and then getting distracted by something else and not doing it. I remember that one of the reasons that I eventually did was the death of my first wife. I was adrift and lost. I even got together with Al Piaget and Dorothy Tunis, who were doing well at the time. "Doc" as he has been called since we knew him was almost retired and raising pigeons as a passion. I think we all look to the past for grounding, for stability. It was good to see them again. They sent a lovely personalized wedding gift that almost got destroyed by the house fire, but I saved it from the trash bin of history because it was special and worth keeping. And even as I was grasping for some kind of reality, it was only a few years later that I finally "registered" on the website. By then they had forgotten that I went to the 20th. But they must have lost my address in Rutherford, because I never got a card for the 30 even though I hadn't moved. The fact remains. If you want people to get together, you have to actively make it happen. It is no time for passive action. There are too many ways NOT to get in touch.
My wife and I found, during her quest to locate all her classmates, that nothing beats a phone call. It's personal; it's human contact. It means that someone took the time to punch in the numbers and talk, and 99 times out of a hundred, it results in a truly gratifying and wonderful experience. I've had the greatest talks with people I didn't know that well 44 years ago, and suddenly, we're back in the halls talking about those years. From that experience for my wife and this one, for me, I have come to realize that it is not just about the reunion. Sure, it's great to see people in person, but it is more about the community of classmates that it is really all about. The personal contact, person to person, the sharing that takes place. You can't share if you don't have the ability to contact people. It is frustrating to see the photo on the site and know that someone is still alive (that's another story) and not be able to get in touch. It's like MyLife or some of the other people search sites. We'll give you a tease, but for more you have to.......
What if we had a place to go where information is available if you want it, where you could post information so people could contact you? What if we had a full directory, with information voluntarily offered, with an address or email address. Not so possibly intrusive like a phone number, but with an email or mail contact made, you can always get a phone number if the receiving party wants to give it. You already know about my ideas about the illusion of privacy. All we're saying is let's save all the legwork. One call does it all or at least it can be the beginning of good things. I know that it made a world of difference for the F.J. Reitz class of 1967. The feeling and realization of communitas is real, tangible and very heartwarming.
Comment below or on Facebook if you think this idea has any merit. Yeah, I guess I'm volunteering to do it, but I won't if there isn't sufficient interest. In the meanwhile, Linda tells me that I have to friend more classmates. We have a lot of classmates on Facebook and not all of them are "registered".
The work goes on.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Finding People is Hard
It's now been a couple of months since we started on the insane quest of finding all our lost classmates. 40 and counting. It is both insane and hard. And sometimes sad, to find that we are fewer than we hoped.
But sometimes it's the mechanics that is hard. Take for example, David George. Do you remember him? I do, mainly from gym class. How many David Georges do you think there are in the US? He could be anywhere. Sure, you can go to Facebook. There are dozens. Which one is our David George? You can go to WhitePages.com. What state do you look in? Again, there are a lot of folks with the same name. There is also Spokeo.com, Ancestry.com, classmates.com, alumni.com, (three of which require pay subscriptions) and about half a dozen others. Privacy, Schmivacy.
People have talked to me about privacy as they ask "How did you find me?" In the Internet age, there is no privacy. Unless you're Grizzly Adams, you have no privacy with the Internet. Everyone leaves some kind of breadcrumb trail. Even the Unibomber was found. The real question is, why do you want to be private? I can understand my finances, pathetic as they are. I'd rather not have people snooping in my bank account. But the convenience of on line shopping far outweighs my concerns about privacy. The possibility of some Chinese guy poking around looking for high school classmates should hardly be a matter of concern. So it is a choice, like anything else. On the one hand, the illusion of privacy. On the other, your past, your classmates, your friends with whom you've lost touch, due to circumstances you can't even remember. Just like the pop song goes, "I hope you dance." You can't cut yourself off from your past. 'Cause, no matter where you go, there you are.
The one thing you want to avoid is looking for a person who is no longer living. So the first place you go is the Social Security Administration's Death Index. The government has a lot of problems, and regardless of politics, that is something about which no one will argue. One problem they don't have, generally, is paying social security money to a dead person. In this particular case, sadly, we believe David to have passed away in February of 1996. After 14 years, even evidence of that, except in our memory of him and for his family, is hard to come by. Obituaries are usually only kept on line by newspapers for a few months. It is sheer chance and after much searching can you find one. SSDI doesn't lie. It is THE authoritative source. The National Archives in Utah uses the SSDI as its source for deaths. The Department of Veterans Affairs is another absolutely reliable source. And the last clue is if there is no trace after the death date you find. At that point, if you can find family to find out what happened, there's a chance you will know how your friend spent the years of their life away from you. Other than that, they will live on as high school graduates with a wonderful life in front of them, forever.
For all of us, it's a race to the grave. The trick is to make it a great ride. Don't do it without your classmates. Reconnect. Go to the Reunion. Connect on Facebook. Engage your younger self. There was a reason you were friends with these people, remember?
But sometimes it's the mechanics that is hard. Take for example, David George. Do you remember him? I do, mainly from gym class. How many David Georges do you think there are in the US? He could be anywhere. Sure, you can go to Facebook. There are dozens. Which one is our David George? You can go to WhitePages.com. What state do you look in? Again, there are a lot of folks with the same name. There is also Spokeo.com, Ancestry.com, classmates.com, alumni.com, (three of which require pay subscriptions) and about half a dozen others. Privacy, Schmivacy.
People have talked to me about privacy as they ask "How did you find me?" In the Internet age, there is no privacy. Unless you're Grizzly Adams, you have no privacy with the Internet. Everyone leaves some kind of breadcrumb trail. Even the Unibomber was found. The real question is, why do you want to be private? I can understand my finances, pathetic as they are. I'd rather not have people snooping in my bank account. But the convenience of on line shopping far outweighs my concerns about privacy. The possibility of some Chinese guy poking around looking for high school classmates should hardly be a matter of concern. So it is a choice, like anything else. On the one hand, the illusion of privacy. On the other, your past, your classmates, your friends with whom you've lost touch, due to circumstances you can't even remember. Just like the pop song goes, "I hope you dance." You can't cut yourself off from your past. 'Cause, no matter where you go, there you are.
The one thing you want to avoid is looking for a person who is no longer living. So the first place you go is the Social Security Administration's Death Index. The government has a lot of problems, and regardless of politics, that is something about which no one will argue. One problem they don't have, generally, is paying social security money to a dead person. In this particular case, sadly, we believe David to have passed away in February of 1996. After 14 years, even evidence of that, except in our memory of him and for his family, is hard to come by. Obituaries are usually only kept on line by newspapers for a few months. It is sheer chance and after much searching can you find one. SSDI doesn't lie. It is THE authoritative source. The National Archives in Utah uses the SSDI as its source for deaths. The Department of Veterans Affairs is another absolutely reliable source. And the last clue is if there is no trace after the death date you find. At that point, if you can find family to find out what happened, there's a chance you will know how your friend spent the years of their life away from you. Other than that, they will live on as high school graduates with a wonderful life in front of them, forever.
For all of us, it's a race to the grave. The trick is to make it a great ride. Don't do it without your classmates. Reconnect. Go to the Reunion. Connect on Facebook. Engage your younger self. There was a reason you were friends with these people, remember?
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